Did you know that men are physically able to breast feed their children (or anyones child, really)? Men and women both have all the right equipment for breast feeding, which are: nipples, milk ducts, mammary tissue and hormones (specifically oxytocin and prolactin). So if a man wants to breast feed his kid, he simply needs to have the child suck on his nipple. The nipple stimulation will trigger the hormones to be releases, and like magic, Daddy is lactating…

Even weirder then the thought of men breast feeding their babies, is the total lack of studies on male lactation. It’s like there is a total cover up of the subject. Most of the information I have been able to find is “Yes, men can produce breast milk, but nothing else is known…” or “…no one knows if mens breast milk has the same nutritional value of womens…”, etc. So you’re telling me that we can grow human ears on the backs of lab rats, successfully transplant animal organs into humans, but we can’t find out the nutritional value of mens breast milk versus women? Come on…

Don’t get me wrong, I would be a little skeeved out if I saw a man breast feeding a child, but that’s just because we’ve all been taught that that is weird and unnatural. Nonetheless, I might have to try and milk Stefan with my breast pump…for the sake of science, of course!

Do you ever wonder what washed up porn stars do after they turn 40? I highly doubt Busty Heart saved up for retirement, because rather then retiring to live her golden years on a golf course in Leisure Town, instead she’s come up with a circus freak act: Using her saggy breast implants to crush objects. Like watermelons.

Yikes. Tell me that isn’t painful?!

I just ordered my stripper pole. Yay! I purchased the Platinum Stages Super Pole, which is portable and can be installed / removed within minutes. I went with a portable pole since I’m slightly in between houses right now and I’m not sure where I would put a permanent pole yet (I want it in the gym at the PR house, but the gym is a long way from being done). The Super Pole also has a spinning option which allows the pole to spin with you on it. Fun! Hopefully I won’t get too dizzy. Haha. Here’s the rest of the info on the Super Pole:

“Introducing the world first and only completely portable, Totally removable 100 percent non-invasive dancer pole.

Stock pole out of the box will fit 7.25-9.25 foot ceiling. Pieces included in kit standard are 1x 48″ 1×36″ 1×12″ 1×6″.

Wide support base and ceiling plate provide unmatched stability and strength. Even if not installed correctly will not fall because of wide ceiling and base plate. Provides user both a spinning and stationary options. Multi piece pole allows use on ceiling from 6 feet to 12 feet. Pure high quality stainless steel pole. Not cheap chrome finished or powder coated which scratches after first use. Standard 2 inch pole (used in 99 percent of strip clubs) Pole has machined threads to attach pieces together that are satin finished with no lips or edges . There is NO transition between pieces!!! 100 percent satisfaction guarantee. If you are not satisfied all u pay for is shipping and handling. Why buy from unknown companies when you can have the security of purchasing from a reputable company that is the leader and innovator for over 5 years. No drilling, no hooks, no fake smoke detectors!

NOW FEATURING BRAND NEW POLYCARB PLATES PREVENTS ANY AND ALL DAMAGE AND CAN WITHSTAND RUNNING THEM OVER IN A TRUCK!!“

The pole was kind of expensive (I paid $400 with shipping), but I wanted to get something quality that’s going to be able to support doing cool inverted tricks and what not. I don’t want to end up like this girl, either.

I’m excited to get my Super Pole! I’m so bored of all my other workout routines and pole dancing is a REALLY good full body workout (if you work it right). Here is an example of good stripper pole work:

This girl has an awesome hip roll (which takes strong abs):

I heard about RealDolls quite a few years ago, via The Howard Stern Show. Long story short, a RealDoll is the most realistic sex doll ever made. They are fully customized to the customers requests (you can pick the RealDolls features, skintone, cup size, tan lines and other things I won’t get into…) and they cost a few thousand dollars. They are so realistic, it’s scary. Here is an actual RealDoll:

Like I said before, RealDolls are old news and while I think they are creepy I can appreciate the artistry and engineering that goes into making a RealDoll. Now, HERE is what really brought out the creep factor for me…You have to see this documentary:

Guys and Dolls
“Guys and Dolls” is a documentary about guys that have “real” relationships with their RealDolls. Can you say mental illness much? My favorite parts:

Davecat from Michigan: “I think, um, the part my father finds really difficult about my realtionship with Chishann (his RealDoll) is the fact that she’s not alive, that she’s not a human being. He sees it as something unnatural and strange…When she first came into my life it was just sex, sex, sex, sex, but now it’s just tapered off so that we’re just there for each other. We’re always there for each other…”

Another good part is where “Gordon” starts showing off his collection of guns (a glock, a shotgun, a semi-automatic) and a twohanded broad sword. Which wouldn’t be so bad if the guy didn’t look/sound like a complete nut job. Here’s a clip of Gordon and his RealDolls, where he rattles off the reasons why RealDolls are better then women. Basically because prostitution is illegal where he lives and they’ll impound his truck….ooookay….

Did you know that boobs are seasonal? Well, maybe not so much “seasonal”, but they do go in and out of fashion. Thanks god big ass fake tits are going back out of fashion (too bad for all those impressional 18 year old girls that just got their double D’s installed…). I know what you’re thinking. “Summer, how are you so knowledgable about boobie trends?!” (or you could be the angry chick with new breast implants saying, “fuck you, biaattchchch. My new tits are AWESooooommmeee.” Yeah, I get a lot of funny comments on this post and this post.). Any how, I edit lingerie and bikini photos all day long. My job is to look at half naked chicks all day. I see boob trends. For example, here are the big fake tits that were popular last year and the year before:

I recently received all of the 2007 lingerie and swimwear catalogs and NONE of the big names are using the mega bleached out, too tan, big titty models this year. Yay! I’m so over the ultra-fake look. Here is an example of the small-boobied, super sexy models that are hot in 2007

Just thought I would share my 2007 boob trend forecast. Yes, I know. My boob knowledge is uncanny…;)

I am SO sick of girls piss-poor excuses for wanting/getting a boob job. Just fucking admit it! You want big, fake tits because you want guys to look at you!

So, here are my Top 5 Stupidest Excuses for Getting a Boob Job:

“Getting a boob job will make me feel better about myself.” – Oh yes, big ol titties are going to really help your self esteem. If anything it’s going to warp it even more. People staring at your faux boobs, don’t like you anymore then before you had weird boobs.

“My body isn’t in proportion.” – What do you mean, your body isn’t in proportion? WTF? Are your feet so small that you fall over when you try to walk? If your arms were not “proportionate” to your legs, would you get arm enlargements?! A very small percentage of human being have perfectly porportionate bodies, so please, find another excuse.

“Clothes with fit me better if my boobs are bigger” – Please tell me you’re kidding, with this one. Please!! I can tell you from personal and professional experiance that womens clothing in the USA best fits a B cup OR SMALLER.

“I’m getting breast implants so I can hide my insulin pump in my cleavage” – I actually heard this excuse on the TV show “Dr. 90210″. Does any one believe that you are enlarging your boobs JUST so you can hide your insulin pump between them. Why don’t you just gain 50 pounds and hide it between a roll of fat?

“I’m getting my boobs done to further my modeling career.” – If you need fake tits to further your modeling career, you were never a real model to begin with. Just admit that you’re not pretty enough to be a model and move on.

My whole point is this: Don’t make up some lame excuse as to why you “need” fake tits, just admit that you are a vain mo-fo that needs self-reassurance through random people thinking that you are superior because you bought yourself big ol’ fake boobies. (By the way, people don’t think your superior, they just think your kinda trashy). Yes, more seedy guys will try to fondle you and perhaps they will even try to hump you. Not because they think you are a great person, but because you have big trashy fake tits. $5,000 well spent if you ask me!

After my Good Boobs vs Bad Boobs post I was accused of not posting enough bigger boobies in the “good boobs” section. Well, I like good big boobs as much as the next person, so I was collecting good big boob pictures for your optical enjoyment when I happened upon the website of Dr Sal Calabro (I’m not going to link to his site, because I’m sure his “Cease and Desist” letter will be arriving soon enough…). Doctor Sal Calabro may sound familiar because he is the doctor that performs the plastic surgeries on the women who humilate themselves on the Howard Stern show. What a hack! Check out these photos that were pulled from Dr Calabro’s portfolio. Talk about bad boob jobs!

“Hi Dr Calabro! I LOVE mangos. I know it sounds weird, but please implant mangos in my chest!” Well, if that was the case, then doctor Sal Calabro did a great job!!

The best thing Dr Calabro did for this girl was to improve her posture. Is that what happens when you place breast implants in her armpits?

These boobs don’t look totally deformed, but they do look like weird torpedo tits. I would be pissed if I spent $5,000 and looked like this….

The “before” picture shows good boobs. The “after” pictures speak for themselves. YUK!

Okay. You are wearing a scrunchy in your hair. Your hayday was obviously the 80′s. A bad boob job is not going to do you any good at this point…

BUT WAIT! Just when you think that Dr Sal Calabro can only perform bad boob jobs…BEHOLD, A women turned into a 10 year old boy!

The “after” picture is on the right, if you were wondering. This poor women had great curves before and now she looks like a lumpy pre-pubesent boy. Perhaps she is looking to score a Catholic priest…(I’m freaking kidding, okay?!)

So let this be a lesson to anyone that is interested in breast augmentation (or any other plastic surgery, really!), DO YOUR RESEARCH! Be sure to look at the doctors portfolio of before and after pictures! And, don’t think that a boob job looks good just because the doctor tells you it looks good. Look at all the patients above. I can guarantee you that the only reaason they are smiling in the after picture is because the doctor told them, “Oh yeah, these look SO great!”.

Since yesterday was Mardi Gra and my friends were talking about all the boobs they had seen, I think it’s time to discuss good boobs vs. bad boobs. I spend a lot of time editing photos of half naked women, so I have seen my fair share of boobies, both good and bad, and I feel that I am somewhat a Breast Expert. That’s right, you must bow before my knowledge of boobs. Plus I have a set of my very own…Any how, lets start with:

Bad Boobs

This poor girl. She’s so pretty, obviously really young and has a horrible boob job. Her new boobs are 3″ too low, too far apart, at least a cup size too big for her frame and her nipples are staring off into space. $5,000 not very well spent.

Ouch!! I would be afraid to even touch these hound dogs! I don’t even need to point out how wrong these breast implants are, on so many levels.

Yep. Even guys can have bad boobs. And I don’t mean “bad” as in “good”, either. I hope this guy wears a sports bra when he runs. Oh wait, he obviously doesn’t run. hmm.

Not only does this chick, Catherine Bosley, have a yucky yucky boob job, she was also a news anchor in Youngstown who decided to get completely naked in a wet t-shirt contest. Great idea! She resigned once these pictures and the video surfaced. Any how, back to how bad her boobs are…Oh wait, you can see for yourself. GROSS!

This chick somehow managed to work out enough to have really big man pecs and then decided to implant boobs underneath them?! Looks pretty strange to me, but okee dokee…

This is not a natural shape for a boob. This isn’t even a natural shape for fake boobs! Why the hell is your boob flat on one side? Perhaps she had them propped up on a table top for too long or something…yuck.

Okay, apparently even skeletons are good candidates for breast implants! At 1st I felt bad because I thought that perhaps this women had some sort of medical condition. But then I thought about it and I know if I looked like this, I wouldn’t go out in public so scantily dressed (I wouldn’t do it anyways, but perhaps that’s just me…).

So there you have it. Bad boobs. Horrible, yucky boobs. Why, oh why, would someone pay a plastic surgeon thousand of dollars to look like this?! I don’t get it t all. Small boobs are WAY better then fake, round, plastic-feeling balls stuck on your chest. Small boobies are actually cute, but you know what they say, “The grass is always greener…”

Now, on to:

Good Boobs

This girl has perfect boobs. Perfecty in preportion to her body. Does she need a big rack hanging off of her chest to be sexy? Not bloody likely! (By the way, if you like her star pasties, you can score a pair at LaLaLingerie.com.)

This is a picture of porn queen Savannah and although her boobs are fake, they are definately good boobs. They fit her body and are perky without being too round.

Mmmmmm. Pizza! And good boobs too!

WOW! Look at that cleavage. Oh wait…that’s a babies butt…hmmm. I think I might be getting tired. Good night!

Oh, and the moral of the story is: You don’t need fake tits to be sexy. But, if you choose to get a boob job, do your research and find a genuinely talented plastic surgeon, not some hack handing out coupons in the paper.