I was shopping at the local supermarket in Rincon today and came across Pooh’s Pirate Adventures:

I think Disney might want to rethink dressing up Pooh as a pirate…(Or maybe I’m just immature…haha)

I think beauty pageants are pretty ridiculous to begin with, but this is pretty hilarious. At the Miss Teen USA Pageant, Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin, was asked the following question:

“A recent poll showed that 1/5th of Americans can’t find the USA on a world map and why do you think this is?”

And her amazing answer:

Lauren Caitlins answer: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the U.S., umh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

The only sentance that I can decipher is: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps.” Although it’s not a very good sentance, or answer for that matter, she would have been better off stopping right there…

Even better? Miss South Carolina placed in the Miss Teen USA contest after that stellar answer.

Speaking of “beauty pageants”, what the hell is up with them anyways? It’s more like a contest of who can get the most plastic surgery and who can pretend the most convincingly that they give a shit about global warming or even know what they are talking about (see above quote). I especially like how you can not be Miss America if you have children or are married, but you can go get a nose job and breast implants. It sounds like Donald Trump and his partners (the owners of the Miss America Pageant) made up the Miss America criteria in order to parade around a bunch of pretty, available women for them to choose from.

I can see it now, a bunch of ugly rich men sitting around talking: “Let’s see, how can we get hot chicks to hang out with us? How about we spend a bunch of money on a lavish pageant where the criteria for entry is open only to beautiful, young, unmarried women. *laughing* That will totally work, Donald. Chicks are suckers for that shit. Make sure you throw in the rules that they can’t have kids or an abortion either, I don’t want to bang a slut. Also make it clear that we’re okay with plastic surgery. Can we sneak something in there about requiring breast implants? No? Okay, good enough…”

Edit: After watching the video of Miss South Carolina again, did anyone else notice that Mario Lopez did her a favor by cutting her off? Haha…Nice move. Mario is a pro.

Stefan took this photo of Kuta as he was managing the excavation of the PR property.

I love my boy. You couldn’t ask for a better dog/partner in crime. He really is amazing once you actually get to know him (you’ll hate him if you’re not a “dog person”. He’s way too smart and protective of me, but that suits me just fine ).

I took Monkey to the vet today and her butt problem was exactly what I thought (gotta love the internet). Her anal sacs were full, which gives dogs a very uncomfortable feeling. Victor the vet tech, did the honors of putting his finger up her butt to “express” her anal gland ($20, well spent…) and even he seemed a bit grossed out when he was explaining to me that Monkey’s sacs “were very full”.

The vet also gave me a perscription for anal cream and I’m supposed to “apply a thin layer to rectal area twice daily for 10 days”. WHAT? They didn’t even give me any rubber gloves to go with the Monkey anal cream. Christ.

Stefan, I am Fex Ex-ing Monkey and her anal cream to you. She’s YOUR dog, you know…(she’s only our dog when she does cute stuff…).

Anal cream. Are you f-ing kidding me?!

Go ‘head girl, get your freak on…

There is no work service today so I decided to catch up on my domestic duties. I shaved and washed Kuta:

That may not seem like a big task, but it took over an hour just to shave him. My dog has a lot of surface area! Then when I washed him, I got attacked by ants. Apparently they failed to complete their ark before I flooded their world…

I shaved an entire trash bag full of Kuta’s hair off of him and he is so much happier now (it’s been very hot). As I was cleaning up his hair, I thought I would recycle some of it and I made Monkey a toupe. She looks like a suave Albert Einstein!

Someone (I think it was my mom?) sent me these cool photos of fish painted on this couples faces:

Either these people are very creative (and have a lot of time on their hands) or they’ve been tripping on acid for a week straight…You decide.

While I was in Puerto Rico, Kuta went to stay at Rancho Robin (my moms house) and he just returned home today. We all know how much Kuta loves to roll in the dirt after bathing, but he like to kick it up a notch while at my moms ranch. Kutas favorite pass time at Rancho Robin consists of jumping into the horses water trough and then roll around in horse poop….FUN! Kuta knows that getting wet first really makes the horse crap stick to him for a long lasting Eau de Crap…He’s so smart!

Kuta smells like poop.

Here are the Mac versus PC commercials that are really, SO funny. Unless you own a PC and then you’re just pissed…;)

This Mac commercial is pretty hilarious too !

Once upon a time there was a dog named Monkey. Monkey gets very nervous when riding in the car. Can’t you tell?!

Actually, Monkey’s two favorite things are riding in the car and sleeping. Wait, actually I think sleeping and farting tie for 2nd place on Monkey’s favorite things to do list.

I snapped this picture of Monkey sleeping during a car ride to Mexico. And, yes, she was farting too. I think Stefan and I invented a new game called, “Who Can Roll Their Window Down Quicker”….