While I’m all about progress and innovations, there are some things that you just can’t improve. Since I’m involved in the lingerie/fashion industry I tend to see some pretty retarded “innovations” at the tradeshows. It actually makes me feel bad looking at these people that have dumped their life savings into something that is an obvious failure, but hey at least they tried?
Here are a few lingerie items that I find to be totally ridiculous:
The C-String: This is apparently supposed to be some sort of improvement on the popular g-string panty style. according to their website:
“The CString is a completely new and exciting innovation in lingerie. Say goodbye to panty line and uncomfortable straps. Say hello to a sexy new freedom.”
Because, you know, straps on your underwear are way more uncomfortable then a headband-like object stuck up your buttcrack? I’m actually quite surprised that CString is still in business, but I did notice that they added real underwear (g-string and booty shorts) to their collection instead of just producing the C-String.
Pastease Strapless Bikini: The Pastease are actually pretty cool, but when Pastease expanded their pasties collection to include the “strapless bikini”, they kinda jumped the shark. The bikini bottom is essentially a waterproof triangle sticker that measure 1.5″ x 2.5″. We have deemed the Pastease Strapless Bikini, “The Vag Sealer”, at the office. According to the Pastease website:
“Our most daring funwear strapless bikini features the same waterproof, skin-safe adhesive as all Pastease.”
Funwear? I wonder how much fun removing the strapless bikini is?
The Backless Thong: Oh boy, where to begin. According to BacklessLingerie.com:
“Unlike a G-String or thong, our Lingerie minimize VPL (visible panty lines) but also have a full width gusset, giving you comfort and peace of mind. Unlike other forms of lingerie, Backless Lingerie doesn’t ride, wedge or shift. Their soft straps sit snugly below your bottom, keeping them firmly in place.”
For the girl so obsessed with panty lines that a thong is not good enough? But she would wear this crazy contraption rather then go commando? Kind of a small market there…
I can’t imagine the backless thong staying in place without making the leg straps uncomfortably tight. And, there has to be some shifting when you sit down that’s going to look a lot stranger trying to fix then picking a wedgie.
The Butt Bra: Sadly, this is the least stupid lingerie innovation on my list, but come on…A butt bra? Shapewear has been around for a long time and The Butt Bra would fall into the shapewear category along with girdles and slimmers, but I think this beauty has been brought on by the “Kim Kardashian Era”, where there is no such thing as too much booty. Can you imagine getting caught wearing something as silly as this? I’ll just stick with doing squats thank you very much.